evek

I was planning to write a few posts about my history on the internet and I found the very first post I ever wrote on Usenet in 2001. It was a very cringy post to read again. I was talking about the positive things when being autistic and although such talk is usually a good thing, what I usually do is not finding the right "tone" or something. What I mean is that I want to portray something in a positive way with good intentions and it comes out all hollow, like a rehearsed speech or something.

I was also never any good at giving or receiving compliments. In a way, for me "compliment" and "awkward" are words that go hand in hand, so to speak. I almost never give compliments because I don't want to - it's not in my nature -  but the few times I did it definitively sounded fake or rehearsed, not finding the right tone. Same goes for receiving a compliment. I never knew how to react or what to say. It was always very awkward. I also was not suitable to give an appropriate response to other social situations. When people are a bit down because they failed in something, other people often gave an encouraging reaction like: "You will get it next time, don't worry, you are better/smarter than you think!" And although I can come up with that last line and type it down, I cannot say it to someone when the moment is due.

It's just not me, I never find the right tone and I rather say nothing than come across fake or hollow. The only thing is sometimes to do something other than giving a cringy response. I can ask if I can do something practical instead. To mind comes Sheldon Cooper's response to someone in distress. He does something practical, he makes and gives them a hot beverage. So much better than all the weird talk.

 I gathered 20 events - 10 personal and 10 world events - for the purpose to know how old I was at the time. 

• September 8th 1966, I was one day short of 4 months old. That day the very first episode of Star Trek aired on NBC.
• July 16th 1969, I was 3 years, 2 months and 1 week old. That day Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were the first men ever who walked on the moon.
• December 21 1973, I was 7 years, 7 months and 12 days old. At that day I had surgery because of cryptorchidism.
• April 6th 1974, I was 7 years, 10 months and 28 days. At that day Abba won the Eurovision Song Contest with the song "Waterloo".
• October 10 1982, I was 16 years, 5 months and 2 days. That day I went for the first time to watch a live football game. The game was SK Beveren-Winterslag and the score was 7-2.
• February 21 1985, I was 18 years, 9 months and 12 days. That day died my mother.
• October 1 1985, I was 19 years, 4 months and 22 days. That day I joined the army. I was there for 8 months and 6 months of that time I lived in Germany.
• November 9th 1989, I was 23 years and 6 months old. That day the Berlin Wall fell.
• May 1 1994, I was 27 years, 11 months and 22 days old. Formula One-Champion Ayrton Senna died.
• September 22 1994, I was 28 years, 4 months and 14 days old. That day the very first episode of "Friends" aired on NBC. I myself will watch the 236 episodes for the first time 17 years later, in 2011, seven years after the series finished. Currently I'm in the process of seeing the full 236 episodes for the 10th time.
• May 1 1997, I was 30 years, 11 months and 22 days old. That day I bought and moved to my current apartment.
• November 2 1999, I was 33 years, 5 months and 24 days old. That day I got my cable internet connection.
• January 1 2000, I was 33 years, 7 months and 23 days old.
• September 11 2001, I was 35 years, 4 months and 3 days old on that horrible day.
• September 18 2002, I was 36 years, 4 months and 10 days old. At that day I got officially a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I got it late in life, but it was normal for my generation. The saying is: (about getting the diagnosis) Better sooner than later and better later than never.
• September 24 2007, I was 41 years, 4 months and 16 days. That day the first episode of "The Big Bang Theory" aired on CBS.
• November 4th 2008, I was 42 years, 5 months and 27 days. Barack Obama was elected. The world seemed to take a step forward, but it didn't last long.
• August 7th 2017, I was 51 years, 2 months and 30 days old when I purchased an XBox One. I had around the late eighties and the early nineties both the Sega Master System and the Sega Mega Drive (also known as Genesis), but for 20 years from then on, I had to pay for my apartment and I had only a regular computer. In 2017 the apartment was paid for and then I bought the XBox.
• November 29 2019, I was 53 years, 6 months and 21 days. On that day I bought my first smart phone. Before that I only had a few Nokia regular cell phones.
• November 3 2023, Today I am 57 years, 5 months and 26 days old.